A sure way to know that I’ve matured significantly is my own observation of how I react to things in my life. There was a time (and maybe not so long ago) when my first response to a negative situation would be to immediately fly completely off the handle – no thought of how I might be perceived or the consequences that might follow. If someone said something to me that struck a nerve, I just couldn’t keep quiet. I had to say something back in a tone just as ugly as I perceived theirs to be. How dare they say that to me! The same with situations or circumstances I encountered that I found difficult to deal with – I would immediately jump the gun and get angry or depressed, depending on which of those I felt was the best direction to take at the time.
News Flash: That’s not good for you, nor does it solve anything!
I had a friend once say to me, “Choose your battles.” At the time, I didn’t understand what she meant, but today I have a clear understanding. Thanks to some true spiritual teaching from various resources over the years, I’ve learned that the above quote by Charles R. Swindoll is absolutely true!
Yesterday, I encountered a situation in which I felt betrayed by a friend. To top it off, when I got home I had to endure sarcastic remarks (jokingly stated, but sarcastic nonetheless) from a family member who assumed it was okay to make such statements. I could’ve flown off the handle and confronted my friend, but instead, I took the time to first assess the situation and my feelings about it. I considered the dynamics of the friendship and whether or not it was worth it for me to go beyond bringing it to my friend’s attention that I felt betrayed and decided that I would leave it where it was. I’ve learned over the years that you can’t change anyone, but you do have the ability to walk away from toxic relationships, which is what I’ve chosen to do instead. And the sarcastic remarks – well, I just brushed them off and didn’t bother to respond. I felt they weren’t serious enough to bother addressing, actually.
You cannot change or control other people and their actions, but how you react to them will make all the difference in the world. This is something that I learned in therapy sessions (yes, I’ve had therapy) a few years ago, and it has stuck with me since. My therapist told me, “You’ll be much better off, much happier, once you’ve accepted that you have no control over other people. The only person you have control of is YOU.” She was right – I am much happier now that I have adapted a new philosophy about handling people and things in my life.
If you find that you are constantly regretting how you handled a person or situation, perhaps you should reconsider your methods. Try taking some deep breaths first. I know this sounds like something you’d read in a self-help book, but it actually works! After that, assess the situation. If you have the time, put some thought into it, but if there’s no time, do it quickly. Think before you act or speak – when you do, you’ll find that you don’t have thoughts of regret as often as you once did.
The bottom line is, there’s other ways you can choose to react to situations without getting your panties in a bunch (I just love saying that)! Choose your battles…you never know how much it can lower your blood pressure!
SD Denny, Award-Nominated Author & Freelance Editor
Sharing words that inspire and raise awareness!
http://www.sddenny.com/
http://www.polishedpages.info/
Wow, what powerful insight! Thanks for sharing. I’m sure this is a topic that many can relate to and share similarities of how they too have had to reassess & reevaluate their responses to certain situations. I, too, have struggled in times past with handling uncomfortable news, unnerving feelings and distressing circumstances. But as you so clearly stated “the only person we can control is ourselves”… and even that is an arduous task at times! Ultimately as I mature (still in progress), I’ve really come to realize that other people’s decisions and choices are theirs and no amount of anger, persuasion, empathy, sadness or any other emotion I can conjure up within myself will change the obvious. Of course, it does not dismiss the disappointment or diminish the pain, but it allows me to focus on what I do have control of… and again that is only me and how I choose to respond. Often times my difficulty in dealing with disappointment was my special ability to focus solely on how another’s decision, choice, news, etc. affected ONLY me. My inflated opinion of self made it difficult for me to comprehend why I should have to endure pain, disloyalty, betrayal because after all I, in all of my perfection (stop laughing), should not have to deal with any dissatisfaction. But upon closer inspection, I see it a whole lot differently now. More often than not, people make decisions based on their own desires & needs and spend very little effort (if any) contemplating how that decision will affect me. Truly our reaction & responses to difficulty is an authentic sign of our maturity. May we all keep growing!
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