I began to think about how hard it has been for me to write for the past couple years. I purposely took a break after writing my last book, HALF, because it had emotionally drained me...emptied me of my feelings and I needed to just sit and recover. Not only that, but I had put so many months, weeks, days and hours into writing this book, that I was just happy to have finished it and wanted to take a break from my 24-hour stints sitting at a computer, going from my 9-5 and then to home to lock myself in my room and write. However, there came a time when I wanted to write again. But I wanted to write a hit novel -- one that would end up on a bestseller's list and leave people in awe! I wanted it to have such a profound twist that folks would be talking about it forever! Hey, I'm just being honest here and I'm sure I'm not the only writer who has internalized this type of success!
Over the last couple years I've begun writing projects, novel ideas from this topic to that topic, but every time I open the files for these projects on my computer, I just sit there, scratching my head and thinking to myself, this just isn't enough! Nothing would come to me! I felt as though the god of writing had abandoned me...left me to fend for myself! Just the other night I sat at my computer again, a blank Word document in front of me, begging for the words to come that would lead me to a hit novel, but again, nothing! Why have you abandoned me, Oh god of words? Silly, I know!
In all of my writing trials of late, I have not been able to overcome what has held me bound. But the words spoken by Pharrell in his interview were somewhat of a godsend to me. I'm not supposed to be searching for words to write a hit novel; how vain is that of me! I'm not saying that there are not writers out there who are not supposed to write novels that blow minds; that would be silly. But, perhaps, it is my purpose to write about something else -- something near and dear to my heart. I admit that I've been reluctant to reveal my total self to the world...that I'm afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve (or to describe it fully on paper), for the world to see. I tried to go as deeply as I could in my last novel, HALF, but even then I wasn't able to completely unfold my self and fuse it with words. Perhaps, though, I have a testimony to share, a story to tell that would benefit someone else who might be dealing with the same experience from the past, the here and now, or even in the future.
Silly me! I have been missing the forest for the trees! What I've been looking for has been right in front of me the whole time and I've fought it with every ounce of my muscle, but it keeps coming back to the surface. The power of purpose is relentless. Well, I've underestimated it, but purpose showed me! It has come back to tug at my heart in the most powerful way, and all I can do is bow down to it and relinquish my so-called attitude that I'm going to do this my way. No, it is not all about me! I may be the one flying the kite, but I have to remember that the kite will stay on the ground if there's no wind to carry it upward!
Never Underestimate the Power of Purpose!
~ SD Denny
