If you’ve visited my blog before, you know by now that I usually start off by relating lyrics to a song with what I’m feeling. In this particular blog, I’m feeling the song Black or White by Michael Jackson, and I’ve chosen this particular part of the song as my focus:
See, It's Not About Races, Just Places, Faces
See, It's Not About Races, Just Places, Faces
Where Your Blood Comes From
Is Where Your Space Is
I've Seen The Bright Get Duller
I'm Not Gonna Spend My Life Being A Color
As the product of an interracial marriage, one would think that I’d have a lot of insight on the fiber of interracial relationships. Not true. My parents separated when I was very young, so I never had the opportunity to see much of an interracial relationship from the inside that my memory can recall. And even though I dated a young Italian man when I was twenty years old, it was too brief and I was too young and immature to really have much information to share about what it was really like for me to date outside my race. Hmmm…perhaps I should say outside the race I’d grown more accustomed to identifying with.
Let me start by saying that I’m not against interracial relationships or marriages. I believe that love is the ultimate common bond and that if love can bring people together, in spite of them being from different cultures and/or ethnic groups, then that is a beautiful thing! I have; however, had moments when I’ve cringed at the sight of seeing successful black men with white women. Yes, I’ve actually gotten in my feelings about it. For the most part, it was because I felt, as stereotypical as it may sound, that some successful black men have adopted the attitude that since they’d “arrived”, suddenly a black woman wasn’t good enough for them. All the while, I’d shake my head and think to myself, “She probably wouldn’t look twice at your black ass if you were broke!” Yes, I’ve said and thought those things. Although I still feel that some successful black men have that attitude, I no longer harbor ill feelings about it. And before I get too much slack, let me say that I don’t believe this is the case with all interracial relationships between black men and white women. I’m not even saying it’s the case with most. I’ve seen numerous magazine articles, talk shows, etc. where black men share their feelings about black women and why they’ve become more open to or prefer dating white women. I’ve heard it all – from black women having bad attitudes, to black women not being submissive enough, and a lot more in between. My question though, is “What is it that draws white women to black men?” Do they have complaints about white men that have caused them to want to date or marry outside their race, or was it just happenstance that they’ve ended up in an interracial relationship? I’d love to get some comments on that…
Suppose I were asked the question: Sharon, would you consider dating or marrying a man of another race? My answer would be yes, I would! I actually think that black women in general should be more open to doing the same. Perhaps we’re limiting our chances at happiness or at marriage by limiting who we will allow ourselves to date. My opinion has nothing at all to do with money, or appearances, status quo, etc. In a life partner, I dream of one who’s trustworthy, peaceful, spiritual, nurturing, sheltering, accepting of all that I am, and supportive of my dreams and aspirations. (A love for travel and a good handyman would be a plus). Okay, this is starting to sound too much like a personal add, but you get the picture. The bottom line is if a man comes along whom I feel good about, the fact that his skin is a different color from mine will not prevent me from the possibility of us moving forward into a loving relationship. Interracial relationships are fine in my book. Actually, I look forward to a time in my lifetime where people aren’t as concerned with what society thinks with regard to who they love.
Now, I’d like to ask a question of you: By being against interracial relationships, does that equate to having a mindset that one’s race is more or less significant than another’s? And does it equate to being prejudiced? Just think about it…
As the product of an interracial marriage, one would think that I’d have a lot of insight on the fiber of interracial relationships. Not true. My parents separated when I was very young, so I never had the opportunity to see much of an interracial relationship from the inside that my memory can recall. And even though I dated a young Italian man when I was twenty years old, it was too brief and I was too young and immature to really have much information to share about what it was really like for me to date outside my race. Hmmm…perhaps I should say outside the race I’d grown more accustomed to identifying with.
Let me start by saying that I’m not against interracial relationships or marriages. I believe that love is the ultimate common bond and that if love can bring people together, in spite of them being from different cultures and/or ethnic groups, then that is a beautiful thing! I have; however, had moments when I’ve cringed at the sight of seeing successful black men with white women. Yes, I’ve actually gotten in my feelings about it. For the most part, it was because I felt, as stereotypical as it may sound, that some successful black men have adopted the attitude that since they’d “arrived”, suddenly a black woman wasn’t good enough for them. All the while, I’d shake my head and think to myself, “She probably wouldn’t look twice at your black ass if you were broke!” Yes, I’ve said and thought those things. Although I still feel that some successful black men have that attitude, I no longer harbor ill feelings about it. And before I get too much slack, let me say that I don’t believe this is the case with all interracial relationships between black men and white women. I’m not even saying it’s the case with most. I’ve seen numerous magazine articles, talk shows, etc. where black men share their feelings about black women and why they’ve become more open to or prefer dating white women. I’ve heard it all – from black women having bad attitudes, to black women not being submissive enough, and a lot more in between. My question though, is “What is it that draws white women to black men?” Do they have complaints about white men that have caused them to want to date or marry outside their race, or was it just happenstance that they’ve ended up in an interracial relationship? I’d love to get some comments on that…
Suppose I were asked the question: Sharon, would you consider dating or marrying a man of another race? My answer would be yes, I would! I actually think that black women in general should be more open to doing the same. Perhaps we’re limiting our chances at happiness or at marriage by limiting who we will allow ourselves to date. My opinion has nothing at all to do with money, or appearances, status quo, etc. In a life partner, I dream of one who’s trustworthy, peaceful, spiritual, nurturing, sheltering, accepting of all that I am, and supportive of my dreams and aspirations. (A love for travel and a good handyman would be a plus). Okay, this is starting to sound too much like a personal add, but you get the picture. The bottom line is if a man comes along whom I feel good about, the fact that his skin is a different color from mine will not prevent me from the possibility of us moving forward into a loving relationship. Interracial relationships are fine in my book. Actually, I look forward to a time in my lifetime where people aren’t as concerned with what society thinks with regard to who they love.
Now, I’d like to ask a question of you: By being against interracial relationships, does that equate to having a mindset that one’s race is more or less significant than another’s? And does it equate to being prejudiced? Just think about it…
In spring of 2011, my sophomore novel, HALF, will be released by Peace in the Storm Publishing. Please keep that in mind, as you will NOT want to miss this poignant tale of a young, biracial woman on a quest to find her identity in a world where everything seems to be either black or white.
SD Denny, Author
2009 African-American Literary Award Nominee
